so... started taking my mood stabilizers this week. hopefully will notice some sort of difference in the coming week. you know its bad when you are having a breakdown in the middle of wal-mart because you just want to buy everything, or you are mad at your husband for no reason and dont know what he did to set you off. or when your baby starts crying and you do too because you dont know how to take care of him.
that my friends is why i am bipolar/borderline personality... there are other issues as well. my past alcohol/sexual abuse when i was in japan. my inability to be close to my husband even though i love him with all my heart. my difficulty sleeping. my sudden speech issues (when i have been an inate speaker since i was four). my irritability. my need for a clean house, but inability to clean it.
my life is in serious chaos. however, i am chosing to try and get control. the therapist rob and i are seeing for marital counseling is also going to help us with this as well. i just need to get approval from tricare. no problem there (i hope).
i am not as bad as i have been in the past, but i have also rid myself of many things that put me in bad places before (ie, alcohol). hopefully with the counseling and the medication i can lead a semi-normal life. bipolar persons will always have to take their medications, and in a year i will face a medical review board to determine if i am liable to the air force, since i am non-deployable on it.
so... here's hoping... i want to be the best person i can be... the best wife. the best mother. the best daughter. the best friend. i want to have more children in the future. in order to do that, i have to do this now... so here to me... may God help me stay faithful and true and not get too big for my britches
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