I have spent this week studying my bible and praying. I've been a Christian my entire life, but I have come to realixlze, not a very good one. Every time I have hit bottom, the ones who have been there to support me have been my Christian friends. Not my bar hopping friends or bed-mates. When I was 20, I even attempted to take my own life just to end the pain I put myself in. Back then, as I was waiting on my bathroom floor, waiting to die, I prayed. And I heard Papa speak to me. He told me to get up, that He had more planned for me. I was faced with a choice: succumb to Satan & lay there or to walk with God and get up. I chose to get up. I passed out in the hall of my dorm complex (I was stationed in Japan at the time) and was found just in the nick of time. The doctors later told me hsd I stayed in my room, I would have died.
My most recent troubles haven't been the worst in my life, but they were pretty close for me. I came dangerously close to where I had been that cold fall night. One of the things our senior minister said stuck with me this week (and I'm paraphrasing because I don't remeber the exact words): "Every time we run from God. Every time we make our own choices and our own paths, He finds a way to bring us back to Him."
I'm tired of living my life on the bathroom floor, just waiting to die. Tired of letting Satan control my life. It's so much easier to just get up, dust yourself off and walk with God.
It won't be an easy journey for me. I have made a lot of mistakes in my life. But I'm choosing now to move past them. I'm working on forgiving myself. It's easier to do so when I know He has already forgiven me.
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