on the up and up

so... rob and i had a long talk the other night and i think things are starting to look better. there are still a LOT of things to work out, but now that we are trying to communicate without yelling and getting angry at each other, i am hoping conditions will improve. things have always moved fast in our relationship and i think sometimes we forget that we have to slow down and enjoy the now. we both have a lot of maturing and growing up to do. we're still really young (me 23, him 27) and have a ton of immature ways of going about things. the last week has been so rough on both of us that i had been considering seperation. i dont want that to ever happen, but neither of us were really happy anymore, and thats never a good thing.

so we sat down and hashed things out. some issues i have laid my foot down on in order for things to work:

5. no more going out alone. if you want to go out dancing or whatever (cause he loves to do that), then there has to be one other person with you. i hate it when you leave by yourself. it sets the wrong impression for a married man to be at a bar or club alone.

4. no more gambling. period. if i am not there and in control of your intake, you may spend money we dont have. i will occassionally give you 10-20 bucks to take to the casino, but the debit card stays at home. there will be NO NEGOTIATIONS on this one

3. all tips and money earned from Logans go straight to me as soon as you get home from work. You have made enough money to pay the bills the last few weeks, but spent it all again just as quick. so i get it as soon as you get home and will put it in the account only in my name here in the local area.

2. help out more around the house. dont do everything, but clean up after yourself and laundry goes in the laundry room. dishes go in the kitchen, not the rest of the house and the vacuum does work.

and the most important:

1. spend more time with thomas. a child needs interaction with his father. its so important to me for you to play with your son. you are gonna miss these years when thomas is older and locking us out of his room and life.

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and of course i had to make a few concessions, but most of the issues where from me not being able to tell rob how i was feeling. my biggest concession was to help out more as well, and we both have to work on the blame game thing. it is so easy to pass blame to someone else when you are in the wrong.

the important thing is that we are communicating now and trying to work things out. i dont want to throw away anything because i got mad at him one day out of many. marriage is not always easy and i keep forgetting that. i think we all forget that at some point in time. its easier to throw in the towel and just say "i quit" which i almost did a few times this last week. but its so much more worth it to work it out.

the above pic is thomas halloween. he was a punk rocker. no trick or treating though. he's a little too small for it i think.

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i just found this quote on relationships, and i love it... its so true

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing." ~ Anais Nin